What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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