What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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