What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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