What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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