What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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