What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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