What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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