What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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