What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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