What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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