What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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