What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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