What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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