What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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