What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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