What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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