What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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