What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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