What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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