What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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