What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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