What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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