What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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