What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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