What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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