What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?

A cartoon.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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