What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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