What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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