What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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