What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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