What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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