What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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