What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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