What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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