What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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Dorian Gray Jokes,

they never get old!
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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