What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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