What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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