What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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