What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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