What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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