What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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