What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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