What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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