What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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