What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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