What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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