What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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