What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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