What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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