What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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