What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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