What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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