What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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