What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Do you know what the Queen's father was called?

King.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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