What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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