What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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