What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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