What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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