What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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