What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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