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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?
A hoarse fly!
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How do you make a band stand?
Take their chairs away!
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When do you go on red and stop on green?
When you are eating a watermelon.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?
A screwdriver.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?
Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?
The caterer.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?
A Flat Miner
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?
OH SNaP!
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