What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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