What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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