What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?

A blackboard.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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