What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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