What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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