What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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