What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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