What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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