What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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