What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.

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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.

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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.

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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.

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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.

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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.

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