What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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