What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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