What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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