What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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