What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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