What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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