What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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