What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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