What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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