What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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