What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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