What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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