What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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