What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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