What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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