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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?
Owlgebra
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."
The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?
Its shadow
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?
Super Pickle!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!
You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"
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Know how copper wire was invented?
Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?
An in-car-nation.
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What is black and white and red all over?
A skunk with a rash.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Both of them.
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