What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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