What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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