What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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