What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.

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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean

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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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