What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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