What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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