What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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