What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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