What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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