What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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