What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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