What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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