What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Snow.
Snow who?

Snowbody!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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