What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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