What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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