What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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