What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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