What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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