What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.

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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.

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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.

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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.

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