What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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