What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.

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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.

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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!

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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom

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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.

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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.


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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.

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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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