What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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