What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How are an apple and a lawyer alike?

They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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