What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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