What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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