What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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