What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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