What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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