What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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