What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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