What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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