What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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