What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk

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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.

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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.

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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.

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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.

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