What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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