What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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