What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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