What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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