What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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