What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?


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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva


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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.

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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card

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