What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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