What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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