What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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