What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".

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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated

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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish

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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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