What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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