What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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