What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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