What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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