What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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