What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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