What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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