What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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