What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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