What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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