What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.

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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.

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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.

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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".

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