What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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