What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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