What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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