What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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