What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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