What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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