What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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