What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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