What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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