What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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