What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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