What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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