What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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