What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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