What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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