What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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