What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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