What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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