What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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