What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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