What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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