What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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