What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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