What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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