What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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