What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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