What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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