What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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