What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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