What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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