What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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