What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.

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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards

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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.

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