What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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