What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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How do you prevent a Summer cold?

Catch it in the Winter!
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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