What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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