What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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