What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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