What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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