What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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