What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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