What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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