What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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