What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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