What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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