What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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