What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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