What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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