What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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A seal walks into a club...
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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