What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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