What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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