What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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