What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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