What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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