What kind of underwear to reporters wear?

News briefs.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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