What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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