What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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