What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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