What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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