What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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