What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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