What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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