What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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