What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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