What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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