What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.

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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.

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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.


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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck

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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle

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