What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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