What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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