What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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