What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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