What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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