What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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