What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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