What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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