What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What day of the week tastes the best?

Sunday!
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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