What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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