What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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