What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?

A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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