What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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