What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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