What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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