What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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