What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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