What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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