What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Which reindeer likes to clean?

Comet
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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