What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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