What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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