What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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