What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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