What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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