What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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