What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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