What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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