What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.

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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.

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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.

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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.

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