What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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