What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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