What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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