What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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