What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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