What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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