What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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