What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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