What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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