What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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