What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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