What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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