What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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