What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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