What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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