What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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