What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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