What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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