What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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A seal walks into a club...
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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