What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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