What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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