What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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