What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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