What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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And the mermaid, that was weird. What was she wearing in math class?

An Algae-bra
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