What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What did Tennessee?

The same thing Arkansas.
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