What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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