What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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