What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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