What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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