What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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