What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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