What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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