What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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