What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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