What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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