What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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