What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?

This topic was resumed from last week's discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile . . .
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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