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What pine has the longest needles?
A porcupine.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?
Fsh
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What did one flower say to the other flower?
Hey, bud!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?
C over lambda.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?
Pupperoni.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.
It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?
Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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