What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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