What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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