What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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