What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.

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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.

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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!

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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink

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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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