What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.

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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.

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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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