What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.

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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.

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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.

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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split

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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish

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