What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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