What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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