What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.

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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!

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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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