What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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