What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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