What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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