What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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