What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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