What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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