What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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