What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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