What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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Name four men that are in a rock group together but none of them sing nor play music...

Mt Rushmore. They're a rock group.. it's a rock...group
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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