What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.

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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.

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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?

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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.

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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.

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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .

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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?

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