What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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