What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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