What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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