What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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