What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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