What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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