What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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