What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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