What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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