What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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