What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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