What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.

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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.

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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.

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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck

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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.

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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!

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