What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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