What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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