What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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