What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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