What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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