What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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