What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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