What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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