What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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