What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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