What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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