What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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