What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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