What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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