What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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