What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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