What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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