What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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