What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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