What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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