What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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