What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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How many U.S. Marines does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty — one to screw in the bulb and 49 to guard him/her.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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