What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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