What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.

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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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