What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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