What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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