What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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