What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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