What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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