What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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