What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky

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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.

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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.

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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What's the one thing that never works when it's fixed?

A jury.

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Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.

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