What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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