What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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