What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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