What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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