What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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