What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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Two satellites decided to get married.

The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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