What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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