What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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