What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What letter can you drink?

T (tea)
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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