What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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