What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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