What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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