What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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