What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over

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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.

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What does the toast wear to bed?

Jammies!
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals

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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.

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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

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