What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.

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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.

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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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