What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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