What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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