What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.

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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.

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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!

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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.

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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic

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