What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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