What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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How do Vikings send secret messages?

Norse code.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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