What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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