What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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