What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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