What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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