What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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