What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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