What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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