What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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