What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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