What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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