What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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