What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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