What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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