What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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