What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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