What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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