What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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