What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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