What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed

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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.

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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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