What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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