What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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