What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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