What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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