What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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