What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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