What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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