What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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