What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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