What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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