What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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