What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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