What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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