What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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