What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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