What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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