What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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