What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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