What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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