What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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