What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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