What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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