What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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