What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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