What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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