What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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