What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Whats the difference between a cat and a compound sentence?

One has claws at the end of its paws and one has a pause at the end of its clause
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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