What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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