What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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