What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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