What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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