What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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