What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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