What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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