What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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