What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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