What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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