What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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