What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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