What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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