What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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