What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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