What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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