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What washes up on small beaches?
Microwaves.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?
Start with two million.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?
Hiss-story
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What is black when clean, and white when dirty?
A blackboard.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
It gave a little wine
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.
Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?
None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?
A hush puppy.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?
Santa paws!!!
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