What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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A seal walks into a club...
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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