What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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