What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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