What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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