What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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