What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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