What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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