What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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