What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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