What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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