What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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