What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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