What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.

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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights

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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.

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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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