What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.

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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

Itís Hans free.

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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over

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