What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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