What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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