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What would happen if pigs could fly?
The price of bacon would go up.
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What kind of band can't play music?
A rubber band.
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Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?
Polar Bond.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.
Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What do you call a song sung in an automobile?
A cartoon.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with
but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why was the piano player arrested?
Because he got into treble with the cops
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?
A centipede with a wooden leg.
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