What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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