What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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