What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What has four legs but never stands?

A Chair!
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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