What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.

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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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