What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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