What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze

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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."

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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva


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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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