What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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