What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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