What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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