What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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