What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.

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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.

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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.

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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.

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