What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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