What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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