What would you call a humorous knee?

Fun-ny!
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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