What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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