What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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