What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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