What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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