What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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