What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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