What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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