What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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