What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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