What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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