What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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