What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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