What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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