What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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