What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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