What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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