What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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