What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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