What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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