What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.

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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.


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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.

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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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