What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.

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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.

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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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