What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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