What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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