What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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