What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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