What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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