What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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