What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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