What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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