What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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