What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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