What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What do you call a chicken in the 1960's?

A funky chicken.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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