What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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