What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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