What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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