What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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