What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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