What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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