What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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