What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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