What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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