What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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