What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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