What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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