What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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