What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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