What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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