What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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