What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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