What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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