What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.

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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.

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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."

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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.


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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.

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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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