What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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