What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.

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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

Itís a little fishy.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.


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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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