What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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