What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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