What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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