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What's a tree's favorite drink?
Rootbeer.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?
Meet Patty.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then
*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?
He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?
I'm all spaced out!
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But the guitarist has to show him first.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.
The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?
Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
From chasing parked ambulances.
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