What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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