What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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