What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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