What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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