What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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