What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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