What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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