What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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