What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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The stormtrooper was enjoying the Wookie steak,

but it was a little Chewie.
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