What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Why did Bach have so many children?

He did not have a stop on his organ.

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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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