What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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