What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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