What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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