What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.

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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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