What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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