What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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