What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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