What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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