What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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