What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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